In two weeks I’ll be participating on a panel at MobileConnect on consumer privacy. I confess, a little teensy bit of wind has been taken out of the sails by Apple’s decision to start making MAC addresses much harder to track in the future, but there are still plenty of things to consider, worry about, and decide on when it comes to tracking technologies and privacy.

I’m on the panel as the voice of retailers, since most won’t volunteer for the job of speaking on the topic. No one seems to want to publicly admit what their company is doing or even what they’re thinking about or struggling with, as everyone perceives this topic to be too hot to touch.

That got me thinking about the consumer’s point of view. We all know that retailers want whatever data they can get their hands on. While retailers themselves will readily admit that they have more data than they can handle, I think there is still a collective fear out there that some obscure data point will suddenly be discovered as being hugely predictive of consumer behavior (most importantly, purchase behavior). And no one wants to find themselves in a position where they weren’t already collecting it. So everyone tries to collect everything they can in the hopes that someday, someone will figure out what of this data is valuable and how to use it to be a successful retailer.

All the talk I have seen has focused on this challenge from the retailer’s perspective: what to track, how to use it, is it valuable. There have been sideline discussions about whether any of this is okay — okay with the law, okay with basic ethical concepts. But no one really talks about consumers. To the industry’s credit, I do think that businesses have realized that there is a quid pro quo here: consumers will give up data and privacy in order to get something of value in return. The challenge lies in defining something of value.

But when you put this idea that all I need to do as a retailer is find the right number to plug into some kind of consumer thought process about whether to opt in, next to the retailer’s voracious desire to collect as much as possible, there is a lot of room for ethical challenges. The question shouldn’t be, “What is enough to get consumers to opt in? “ That question leads to things like General Mills’ policy update that basically says if a consumer uses a coupon, they are consenting to giving up their right to sue General Mills. For anything. Forever. How many consumers read that fine print, and even if they do read it, how many really understand what it is they are consenting to?

The question should instead be, “What should we, as a society, be okay with having tracked, and what are we not okay with? “ Which removes the question from one that retailers have to struggle with to one that everyone should consider while wearing their consumer hat. Am I okay with being tracked in a store? You know what? Personally, I probably am. I come into a store understanding that there are cameras and those cameras are watching to prevent theft, and the data could potentially be used with face-tracking to understand my path through the store. And I WANT my retailer app to know that I’m in the store, wake up, and remind me of offers that I saved or items on my shopping list. And I’m willing to let them sniff out my phone to do that.

But am I okay with the retailer using what it learns from sniffing my phone in order to append a mobile number to my account details when I haven’t explicitly shared a mobile number? Hmm. No, not really. If you want my phone number, ask me for it. And if I choose not to provide it, then I certainly don’t want you figuring it out by some other means, and definitely I haven’t given you permission to use that number to call or text me. How quickly and easily a line is crossed in the consumer’s mind.

Retailers may be tempted in the short term to include in the fine print of their mobile app that certain information provided electronically by my device may be used in conjunction with other account details. And by using their app, I have opted in to such use. That’s even assuming I took the time to read thirty pages of fine print one smartphone screen at a time before accepting the conditions.

And so with one click of a button, I have opted into something that I expressly wasn’t okay with, simply for the convenience of the app. Is that the foundation for a long, valuable relationship with me as a customer? I would argue no. My personal responsibility to understand what I’m opting into doesn’t matter. Your efforts to make such an opt-in perfectly clear don’t matter. In the end, my trust is violated, and my feelings about a retailer in that instance are poisoned.

In preparation for my panel, I read up on some privacy policy influencers to see what they had to say about the matter. These are people who care about consumers, and don’t necessarily know that much about retail as an industry. Some of the insidious ways that companies use data are downright wrong. Selling my data off to third parties. Using third parties to build out my customer information with data that I already chose not to share. Tracking not just my activity related to your site, but every site I happen to visit.

Generally speaking, I think most people would regard these kinds of activities as decidedly uncool. Especially when thinking about them as a consumer — the one on the receiving end of what’s happening to their data.

As retailers, our job should not be to operate within the widest bounds allowed by the law. We should be bound by customer expectations. And not the kind of expectations that are expressed by skipping over reams of fine print. The expectation of respect defined as a respect for privacy, respect of a customer who may love your brand and want to stay engaged with your brand.

The easiest way to achieve that? Put yourself in your customer’s shoes. Would you be okay with this happening to you? How about happening to your child? If your gut reaction is no – whether the consumer opted in or not — then it shouldn’t matter what’s legal or otherwise. The answer should be no.